Hello,
Not for a long time have I been into a show the way I am into Fringe. Yes, I watch all the Thursday comedies online (EXCEPT WHITNEY, LET'S GET THAT SHIT CLEAR RIGHT NOW) and I am even in love with Phil Dunfy of Modern Family and have gone onto YouTube exclusively to watch his Tropicana commercial.
But I love Fringe as much as I love Yawara, and all these other shows don't even compare!
Last night Chico and I were watching Fringe, Season 3 (SPOILER ALERT for the 0 people who read this) where another child who was a part of the Cortexiphan experiments reads Peter Bishop's mind and tells Olivia something she does not necessarily want to know. He gives her this message in an envelope and we later find out it reads, "He still has feelings for her." Then we find out that Fauxlivia ('her') is pregnant with Peter Bishop's baby.
Now since not all of you were in the room with me when I made a joke about Peter and Fauxlivia having sex for the first time and that "I hope he used protection" let me explain. At the time the joke was more about Inter-Universe STI spreading, but pregnancy (unfortunately) works the same way in Their World as it does Ours. I am so sad that this joke is no longer funny at all, and is actually awful (but will make for wonderful TV).
Sorry this is so jumbled, but I have not written anything longer than a FB update in several months.
Personally, I pretty much interpret everything through this Hyper-Personal-and-Emotional lens. This is something I am currently trying to reign in because it leads to situations where you watch Twilight Breaking Dawn part 1 high on Space Cake thinking about the similarities between the world around you and Bella and Edwards world. Fuck, this is so sad to write down, but luckily I was high enough to laugh it off and be happy Chico is the best guy for me.
But this is also how I watch Fringe, and that is what makes me really love this show because the moral dilemmas in season 3 are very "real world" (ie- the world outside of television) with enough other crazy shit going on to not lead me into some MindTrap. But this whole episode (Fringe Season 3, Disc 3, Episode 2 on the disc) was different. We see Peter telling Real Olivia how he doesn't have feelings for Fauxlivia anymore, but then we find out he is lying. This whole show is built up around Peter (I mean for goodness sakes his frequency controls The Device) and how he is ultimately the person who never chose to be in the situation he is in now. Usually a driving force in a show is not as innocent as him, but it is my opinion that he is a pretty innocent, well-mannered, funny, all around fantastic guy. I was so disappointed to find out that he is lying to Olivia because this is not the Peter Bishop I know. Plus, it makes me dislike the other Universe even more (except Broyles, because he is awesome everywhere) because it is drawing this opposite side of Peter out that to us viewers didn't exist before he crossed over.
Why does this particular part of the story hit so close to my heart? Well, I have been in a similar situation where someone you really care for lies to your face and then you find out about it later and they don't really seem to care too much that they hurt you until you decide to hurt them. But unlike Fringe, my other stuff doesn't include ShapeShifters, Skelter Beetles, or Sensory Deprivation Tanks, but includes Gold's Gym, my best friend, going to work, and making sure I eat healthy. Plus, they didn't get a woman from another Universe pregnant, so I should be happy.
But this type of lying is awful because Peter: You are lying. Second, Peter: you are going to kill Our Universe because of an inferior Fauxlivia. Third, Peter: you are keeping Olivia from taking agency over her own life and making the right decision for herself because you are proving yourself to be so goddamn selfish. 8
Anyways, that's enough. Hope this wasn't too jumbled and/or dumb.
Thanks everyone! Good Morning!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
As long as you know who you are and what you're about...
I really like Aloe Blacc. He is one of the artists I am really glad my older brother introduced me to when I was in high school. This song in particular is one I listened to often because it made me feel really good and like, well, I could do whatever I wanted.
The second song is one I enjoy as well.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Napping from 830 pm until 130 am
I've been getting especially tired during the day, Chico and Co. have been giving me 'shit' about being tired all the time and basically not wanting to get out of bed once I am in bed.
It sucks, I hate being made fun of and bugged, even if it is a joke, but especially when it is a passive-aggressive way of telling me I'm lazy and don't do much outside of working. Well, in true fashion of someone who is equally passive-aggressive, I must place the blame for this current sleepy time phenomenon anywhere but a place controlled by me! Well, let's see, I have been thinking that maybe it is the Mirena: I have been pretty beat up since I got this thing in, and while I do not think it is the cause of my sickness or sleepiness, I think that getting very, very sick about a week after having it placed was too much for my body. Flu+throw up+IUD+Christmas+New Year's+ New Job+ Rent Due= NOT ENOUGH TIME TO REST. This is especially the case because I was insistent on going out and still seeing Chico because I do not do bed rest well. So what? Well, finally, February 7th has been the first day that I do not feel sick!
MIRENA UPDATE: I love my IUD. I never thought I would think that or feel that, but I do love the Mirena. The only downside is that I do not feel I can tell the important ladies in my life about it because it has brought up a world view I once held, but have since abandoned: not getting your period every month is NOT natural.
Ah yes, I remember 2 or so years ago when I was so self-righteous as to proclaim anything unnatural as being bad for you. I wouldn't take Tylenol, aspirin, and basically any medication. I used condoms with my ex-boyfriend for our entire relationship because I refused to be on the pill, and there was even a time when I wouldn't paint my nails because of the chemicals in the polish and remover. Those days do not exist anymore, and I have become a believer in moderation, doing what is best for me, and not letting some ideology that does not necessarily benefit my life dictate what I do.
But I gotta say, NOT getting your period is something that freaked me out, and I am having my second period right now and hardly bleeding. I will probably not get my period soon; honestly I am more sad about not being able to say I am a proud user of the Diva Cup as I am about not being able to have a period. This is one of the major reasons I did not want to get an IUD in the first place, but I have found myself at times thinking, "Oh, I could totally have a baby right now, Chico and I could totally do it, it would be fun to be a mom, I love spending my days off at the park anyways!". And realistically, having a child is a bad idea for me right now.
It is weird, but having this damn IUD has given me opportunity to think about something that I otherwise try to ignore; self-identity: who I am currently and who I want to be. I sometimes feel like I go along with what people around me like, or what people around me are into, to try and be part of some larger group to just have the feeling that I am the part of something. Organizer, politically aware person, hanging out with 'anarchists', hip-hop, sports teams: all things I have been into because I just want to belong to something. It is easy to just pick a label and say, "Okay, I'm going to be a politically aware youth organizer who is adamant about x,y,z cause!" How many times I have unconsciously done this only to realize that I am working so hard to be a part of something that I do not necessarily want to be so deeply involved with, or even involved with at all. And so this is what I began to realize about my thoughts about wanting a baby: I could just have a baby now and be a 'Mom' and just have that be who I am, and what I do, and surround myself with other moms, and be a young mom!
But this is why the IUD has been really great (besides all the fun, anxiety-free sex I am having); I do not want to be a mom, and while it would be kinda awesome to just become something as awesome as a mom accidentally, it is not what I want. It would be super easy to just be labled as a mom and not really have to worry about being anything else if I never wanted to do something else. Being able to break away from my friends and family dominating view that no period = totally unnatural has also been liberating because I just don't have to hold the same view as them. Ah, it sound so simple, but why is coming to conclusions like this such a round-about thing for me?
And even prior to having this thing placed, I was trying to do things that were what I liked/wanted instead of what those around me like/wanted. This has been everything from clothes to music to views about my health. So anyways, I am really happy right now, with my job, with my relationship with Chico, with school, and just everything.
Friday, January 7, 2011
New Year
So I am restarting this blog over. Some (6 month) old blog posts I made, and the conversations that came up because of them, have really made me reevaluate my thinking and I want to start fresh.
I feel very disconnected from everything lately, even the people I spend most of my time with, and I have consciously been avoiding most people anyways. I don't feel this so much right now, and I want to get out and do something. One thing I have thought about blog is that I don't really feel I have much to say that is...original...so I'll probably just discuss my day-to-day life and hopefully start posting more pictures, and scans of what I am doing in school.
BUT I do have some interesting thing to discuss today. I am in a relationship with one partner, and have been with him for a little over a year. What do we use for birth control? Well, we've used condoms, two forms of the pill, vaginal contraceptive films, and the pull-out method. Well, we don't want to use condoms, I do not like being on the pill, the VCF films take time to work and you kind of lose the spontaneity of the moment, and the pull-out method will (probably) lead to an eventual pregnancy. None of these are things I want, that he wants, or that we want.
So I got an IUD put in this morning.
I went to the gynecologist at the U of A and she told me about a study where I could get one for free at UMC; in a double-blind study I was given a little cube of sugary wax that melted in my mouth that could possibly contain a medicine which is used to induce labor in pregnant women. The doctors are trying to figure out if this medication dilates the cervix in women who have never been pregnant/given birth enough to where it alleviates some of the pain involved in placing an IUD.
The placement was not terribly uncomfortable, but as someone who rarely gets cramps during her cycle, there was noticeable pain and discomfort. It all starts out like a regular pap-smear, the same cold goo and steel of the speculum, but then they stick in a long tube that pinches your cervix, and after they measure your uterus. The pinch hurt for only a moment, but measuring the uterus immediately caused deep cramps. It was an interesting sensation because you could feel each cramp coming and going as the insertion tube moved around while they measured the uterus and while the doctor inserted the actual IUD. They told my my uterus measured 8 cm and then inserted the IUD immediately causing more cramps. The cramps were gone as soon as the instruments were taken out, and I was told how to feel for the strings. I go back in a month for them to check its placement and cut the strings to a comfortable length if I have any discomfort or problems with them. I have been getting cramps through out the day, but they told me that it usually will not lost longer than one day.
My period will eventually go away, as my IUD is the Mirena that contains a lower dose of hormones. One of the reasons I decided to get the IUD is because it does not contain estrogen and most women who have issues while taking a variation of the pill have more success with this type of hormone and placement. Similar to the NuvaRing, the body gets an overall lower dose of hormone because it is concentrated in the area affected by the hormone and there is no need for estrogen. My IUD doesn't need to come out until Jan. 2016, so the amount of progesterone in the IUD is concentrated to last a long period of time, releasing slower than a daily pill.
But I do want to say that this is just my understanding of the Mirena, and if you are interested in learning more about it (or it's non-hormone counterpart that is made from copper) I suggest these links:
Mirena (IUD with progesterone)
I like this website because it has good diagrams and lots of information.
Official Mirena Website
Copper IUD (no hormones)
Of course, there are potential side effects (weight gain, change in menstrual cycle/flow, moodiness/PMS, acne, etc.) but I feel like benefits outweigh these side effects. Before I even thought about getting an IUD I came to terms with the fact that I needed to be on some type of birth control and had already experienced some of these side effects (mostly the moodiness) while on variations of the pill. Basically I feel like it is no different than other things I have tried, it has a different make up that I think will be more suitable to my body, and it offers me the ability to have sex with my boyfriend whenever I want without having to worry about having a baby! Oh, and it's effectiveness rate is the same as female and male sterilization (tubes tide/vasectomy).
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading about my vagina/uterus/etc.
I feel very disconnected from everything lately, even the people I spend most of my time with, and I have consciously been avoiding most people anyways. I don't feel this so much right now, and I want to get out and do something. One thing I have thought about blog is that I don't really feel I have much to say that is...original...so I'll probably just discuss my day-to-day life and hopefully start posting more pictures, and scans of what I am doing in school.
BUT I do have some interesting thing to discuss today. I am in a relationship with one partner, and have been with him for a little over a year. What do we use for birth control? Well, we've used condoms, two forms of the pill, vaginal contraceptive films, and the pull-out method. Well, we don't want to use condoms, I do not like being on the pill, the VCF films take time to work and you kind of lose the spontaneity of the moment, and the pull-out method will (probably) lead to an eventual pregnancy. None of these are things I want, that he wants, or that we want.
So I got an IUD put in this morning.
I went to the gynecologist at the U of A and she told me about a study where I could get one for free at UMC; in a double-blind study I was given a little cube of sugary wax that melted in my mouth that could possibly contain a medicine which is used to induce labor in pregnant women. The doctors are trying to figure out if this medication dilates the cervix in women who have never been pregnant/given birth enough to where it alleviates some of the pain involved in placing an IUD.
The placement was not terribly uncomfortable, but as someone who rarely gets cramps during her cycle, there was noticeable pain and discomfort. It all starts out like a regular pap-smear, the same cold goo and steel of the speculum, but then they stick in a long tube that pinches your cervix, and after they measure your uterus. The pinch hurt for only a moment, but measuring the uterus immediately caused deep cramps. It was an interesting sensation because you could feel each cramp coming and going as the insertion tube moved around while they measured the uterus and while the doctor inserted the actual IUD. They told my my uterus measured 8 cm and then inserted the IUD immediately causing more cramps. The cramps were gone as soon as the instruments were taken out, and I was told how to feel for the strings. I go back in a month for them to check its placement and cut the strings to a comfortable length if I have any discomfort or problems with them. I have been getting cramps through out the day, but they told me that it usually will not lost longer than one day.
My period will eventually go away, as my IUD is the Mirena that contains a lower dose of hormones. One of the reasons I decided to get the IUD is because it does not contain estrogen and most women who have issues while taking a variation of the pill have more success with this type of hormone and placement. Similar to the NuvaRing, the body gets an overall lower dose of hormone because it is concentrated in the area affected by the hormone and there is no need for estrogen. My IUD doesn't need to come out until Jan. 2016, so the amount of progesterone in the IUD is concentrated to last a long period of time, releasing slower than a daily pill.
But I do want to say that this is just my understanding of the Mirena, and if you are interested in learning more about it (or it's non-hormone counterpart that is made from copper) I suggest these links:
Mirena (IUD with progesterone)
I like this website because it has good diagrams and lots of information.
Official Mirena Website
Copper IUD (no hormones)
Of course, there are potential side effects (weight gain, change in menstrual cycle/flow, moodiness/PMS, acne, etc.) but I feel like benefits outweigh these side effects. Before I even thought about getting an IUD I came to terms with the fact that I needed to be on some type of birth control and had already experienced some of these side effects (mostly the moodiness) while on variations of the pill. Basically I feel like it is no different than other things I have tried, it has a different make up that I think will be more suitable to my body, and it offers me the ability to have sex with my boyfriend whenever I want without having to worry about having a baby! Oh, and it's effectiveness rate is the same as female and male sterilization (tubes tide/vasectomy).
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading about my vagina/uterus/etc.
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