It sucks, I hate being made fun of and bugged, even if it is a joke, but especially when it is a passive-aggressive way of telling me I'm lazy and don't do much outside of working. Well, in true fashion of someone who is equally passive-aggressive, I must place the blame for this current sleepy time phenomenon anywhere but a place controlled by me! Well, let's see, I have been thinking that maybe it is the Mirena: I have been pretty beat up since I got this thing in, and while I do not think it is the cause of my sickness or sleepiness, I think that getting very, very sick about a week after having it placed was too much for my body. Flu+throw up+IUD+Christmas+New Year's+ New Job+ Rent Due= NOT ENOUGH TIME TO REST. This is especially the case because I was insistent on going out and still seeing Chico because I do not do bed rest well. So what? Well, finally, February 7th has been the first day that I do not feel sick!
MIRENA UPDATE: I love my IUD. I never thought I would think that or feel that, but I do love the Mirena. The only downside is that I do not feel I can tell the important ladies in my life about it because it has brought up a world view I once held, but have since abandoned: not getting your period every month is NOT natural.
Ah yes, I remember 2 or so years ago when I was so self-righteous as to proclaim anything unnatural as being bad for you. I wouldn't take Tylenol, aspirin, and basically any medication. I used condoms with my ex-boyfriend for our entire relationship because I refused to be on the pill, and there was even a time when I wouldn't paint my nails because of the chemicals in the polish and remover. Those days do not exist anymore, and I have become a believer in moderation, doing what is best for me, and not letting some ideology that does not necessarily benefit my life dictate what I do.
But I gotta say, NOT getting your period is something that freaked me out, and I am having my second period right now and hardly bleeding. I will probably not get my period soon; honestly I am more sad about not being able to say I am a proud user of the Diva Cup as I am about not being able to have a period. This is one of the major reasons I did not want to get an IUD in the first place, but I have found myself at times thinking, "Oh, I could totally have a baby right now, Chico and I could totally do it, it would be fun to be a mom, I love spending my days off at the park anyways!". And realistically, having a child is a bad idea for me right now.
It is weird, but having this damn IUD has given me opportunity to think about something that I otherwise try to ignore; self-identity: who I am currently and who I want to be. I sometimes feel like I go along with what people around me like, or what people around me are into, to try and be part of some larger group to just have the feeling that I am the part of something. Organizer, politically aware person, hanging out with 'anarchists', hip-hop, sports teams: all things I have been into because I just want to belong to something. It is easy to just pick a label and say, "Okay, I'm going to be a politically aware youth organizer who is adamant about x,y,z cause!" How many times I have unconsciously done this only to realize that I am working so hard to be a part of something that I do not necessarily want to be so deeply involved with, or even involved with at all. And so this is what I began to realize about my thoughts about wanting a baby: I could just have a baby now and be a 'Mom' and just have that be who I am, and what I do, and surround myself with other moms, and be a young mom!
But this is why the IUD has been really great (besides all the fun, anxiety-free sex I am having); I do not want to be a mom, and while it would be kinda awesome to just become something as awesome as a mom accidentally, it is not what I want. It would be super easy to just be labled as a mom and not really have to worry about being anything else if I never wanted to do something else. Being able to break away from my friends and family dominating view that no period = totally unnatural has also been liberating because I just don't have to hold the same view as them. Ah, it sound so simple, but why is coming to conclusions like this such a round-about thing for me?
And even prior to having this thing placed, I was trying to do things that were what I liked/wanted instead of what those around me like/wanted. This has been everything from clothes to music to views about my health. So anyways, I am really happy right now, with my job, with my relationship with Chico, with school, and just everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment